


Chasm

by midoriverte



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, and i made this out of it, this is really sad and i'm sorry, this was based on one of those imagine your otp posts that was intended to be cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 19:32:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7545241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midoriverte/pseuds/midoriverte
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I love you.”<br/>As Hide said those words, he couldn’t help but feel they were anticlimactic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chasm

“I love you.”

As Hide said those words, he couldn’t help but feel they were anticlimactic. He had agonized over them for years, turned them over and over in his mind, repeated them like a silent prayer every time he was near Kaneki, yet never dared to speak them out loud. Had never even tried.

He had told himself he was waiting for the perfect moment, but also knew that that was just a lie told himself so that he never had to put his heart on the line

Still, he had hoped that whenever he said them, that they would be more powerful. That they would cover the distance that seemed to separate him and Kaneki no matter how close they were and that Kaneki would finally, finally understand him.

Now they just seemed weak. They fell, too listless to get through to anyone, and without enough willpower to breach any sort of wall between them.

And maybe it was arrogant, but now that he had said them out loud he thought that there was no way those words could ever have been good enough, no matter that they had been sufficient for countless other people. It definitely was arrogant, Hide thought, but those words could never convey what he felt.

Maybe it was because he had always imagined them as a confession, and now they were just a secret that wasn’t worth keeping anymore.

“I know,” Kaneki said, after what felt like an eternity, his grey eyes sad and still so distant.

And Hide understood it how it was meant, at once a rejection and an apology. And Hide had known, always, that there was no hope of Kaneki feeling the way he did. He had always thought he was prepared for rejection and yet the reality of it hurt more than he could bear. He had thought that maybe he would feel lighter with the burden of his own emotions out in the open, but instead he felt at once hollow and heavy.

To his horror, he felt tears spring to his eyes. He didn’t trust himself to speak, so he only nodded.

He found himself wishing, for the first time in his life, that Kaneki would just go away.

He could see pity in Kaneki’s eyes and _God_ he couldn’t stand it. He had seen it in others’ eyes when they realized how Hide felt about Kaneki (always them realizing it on their own, Hide had never once told anyone). They, too, knew that Hide had placed his heart in the hands of someone who would only break it. But in some ways their pity almost made him defiant.

Now, being pitied by Kaneki himself for being foolish enough to love him, he was defeated.

He didn’t remember sinking to his knees, he didn’t remember finally bursting into tears. But he was bent over, forehead on the ground, hands curled into fists, sobbing like a child. Sobbing like he was wounded.

And he supposed, in a way, he was.

He felt Kaneki’s arm around his shaking shoulders. He wanted to tell him to get off, to not touch him, to leave him alone with his misery. Yet he knew he wouldn’t.

Kaneki’s hand was unknowingly resting on one of the many scars he had left on Hide what seemed like a lifetime ago. It was comforting, in a twisted way, and Hide leaned into his touch.

Kaneki whispered empty words of comfort that Hide didn’t bother to understand. And Hide sat up only to grasp onto him, sobbing uncontrollably into his chest.

He was humiliated, but he could not bring himself to stop crying, nor to let go of Kaneki. And he hated himself for loving Kaneki all the more for comforting him in this state, for allowing Kaneki to comfort him.

But mostly for knowing that he would never be able to stop loving him.


End file.
